Updated: Jan 16
In this blog:
A Note from Joy
BOOB Girls and The Senile Squad for your groups
New Offers in The BOOB Girl Series
They were at Brazen Head, their favorite Irish pub, located close to Meadow Lakes Retirement Community and nestled in what is now called Omaha Midtown. Alphonso Greatwood’s two canes were propped against the side of what was known as a “cozy”. It contained a large table, a long booth, antique wooden chairs and was surrounded by beautiful wood and glass imported from Ireland. Facing the dining room was a generous opening for a server to come close and take care of them. The girls loved it. It was literally cozy and comfortable and in high demand. They always came to Brazen Head after the lunch crowd was on its way back to work of play so they could enjoy the cozy.
Tall cold, frosty beers sat in front of Alphonso, Wiley Vondra, and Raven Fivehorns. A bottle of Pinot Grigio was in an ice bucket to be shared by Hadley Joy Morris Whitfield, Robinson Leary, and Mary Rose McGill. A jumbo margarita sat in front of Marge Aaron, salt thick and clinging to the rim. Hadley, Robbie, and Mary Rose occupied the leather-covered booth and the four men and Marge leaned back comfortably in the chairs.
It was a hot August day in Omaha and the cold drinks tasted good.
“So, I went into this shoe store where all they sell is shoes and this young girl came up to me and smiled. She had two sleeves of tattoos and big brown eyes. She said, ‘What brings you here?’” Hadley paused for affect. They were all listening. “I said, ‘I’m shopping for a refrigerator.’ She looked startled, then she smiled again and said, ‘What size?’”
Mary Rose giggled. “I was standing in line at the grocery store and when the lady in front of me went to pay, she opened her purse and before she got out her wallet, she laid a TV remote on the counter. The kid ringing up her groceries said, “That’s a TV remote!” And the lady said, “Right. My husband wouldn’t come shopping with me, so I stole his remote.”
“Revenge with a click,” Robbie said.
“I filled in a form yesterday,” Marge Aaron said, and it asked for a number to all in case of emergency.” She looked around. “I wrote, ‘911.’”
Wiley lifted his beer in a toast to Marge. “Last time I filled out a form that asked my age I thought how I still have a lot on the ball, but I’m too old to bounce it.”
Alphonso laughed. “I have a joke,” he said. “This is dedicated to you, Mary Rose, our sweet Catholic girl.”
Mary Rose smiled at him.
“Three nuns die.”
“A shame already,” Mary Rose said, not-too seriously. She collected Catholic jokes.
“The three Sisters of course go to Heaven, and there’s St Peter, waiting for them. ‘Sisters,’ he says, ‘I’m afraid I must ask you each a question before you can enter.’
To the first nun he says, ‘Sister, who was the first woman?’ ‘Eve,’ she answers. ‘Go right in,’ St Peter says.”
By this time Alphonso had picked up a strong Irish brogue in his voice. “To the second Sister he says, ‘Sister, where did Adam and Eve live?’ ‘The Garden of Eden,’ the Sister answers.”
Alphonso looked around. “Then St Peter says to the third nun, ‘Ah, Sister, since you are the Mother Superior, your question must be a bit more difficult.’ Mother Superior smiles at St Peter and says, ‘I understand.’ St Peter smiles back at her and says, ‘What did Eve say when she first saw Adam?’ Mother Superior is quiet for a minute, then she says, ‘Oh, that’s a hard one!’
‘Close enough, Mother. Go right on in,’ St Peter says.”
Robbie shook her head. “Tasteless joke.”
Raven’s mouth went up into an almost-smile.
“I don’t get it,” Mary Rose said. Wiley reached under the table and patted her knee.
Teri, the General Manager of Brazen Head, along with another server, brought their food. Teri knew them all. She leaned against the frame in the cozy’s opening, arms crossed and groaned after Alphonso told her the nun joke.
Mary Rose had named the time they ate as a ‘Middie’ after lunch and before dinner.
After a few bites, Raven said, “There are some old women living in that shack in the woods behind Meadow Lakes.
Robbie’s and Marge Aaron’s forks stopped midway to their mouths. Hadley’s back stiffened and Mary Rose put her hand up to her mouth.
“The four witches,” Marge said in a loud whisper.
“Mabel, Myrtle, Mildred, and Fred,” Robbie said.
“Fred?” Raven asked.
“Her name is Milifred, but she didn’t like it,” Marge told him.
“That’s when you and Alphonso both came to Meadow Lakes,” Hadley noted.
“Ten years ago,” Marge and Alphonso said at the same time.
“You came to help the police solve Percolator Rasmussen’s murder,” Mary Rose put in, looking at Marge.
“And you were a new resident, not the owner,” Wiley said, giving Alphonso a friendly punch on the arm.
“Those were the days,” Alphonso grinned.
“BOOB Girls book IV,” Robbie remembered. “Murder at Meadow Lakes.”
“Maple, Myrtle, Mildred and Fred,” Raven repeated, laying his Rob Roy sandwich on his plate. “Who’s the fifth one?”
“Fifth one?” the girls said together.
“Yeah,” Raven said. “I was out on our deck about midnight a few nights ago and five women sneaked out of the woods. They slipped around the back of the building and didn’t come back while I was out there. The next day I tracked them to the old shack.”
“You tracked them to the old shack?” Mary Rose said. “How did you do that?”
Raven looked at her. “I’m an Apache.”
He looked at Robbie. “The fifth one had a strange kind of walk. Like one leg was stiff.”
Marge put her fork down hard on the table. “A wooden leg.”
“Zoomer Schmeel!” the four women said in one voice.
(to be continued)
A NOTE FROM JOY
Chris LeGrow is a retired Omaha cop. He is also an author. He wrote two books that are like siblings – friendly ones – to The BOOB Girls.
The Senile Squad
Da Broad Squad
Chris and I met, visited well together, and designed a presentation called,
WRITING ABOUT OLD PEOPLE,
FOR OLD PEOPLE.
Chris and I perch on two bar stools and involve the audience in conversation.
We talk about being old people writing about old people – our characters, what it’s like to be creative, how smart, clever and powerful old people are. His Ol’ Blues (retired cops) compliment my Girls (Old Broads) and we have a lot of healthy talk and a lot of laughter.
If you are in the Omaha area, and want us for your group, call ne at 402-639-2939.
We’re doing this for fun and our fee is being able to make our books available to your group. We’ll also let you know when we appear at places where you can drop in. We drink coffee while we do this, so join us for a cup, a hug and a laugh.
On a personal note:
Ted’s granddaughter, Terha, is in a wheelchair due to a tragic and fatal accident nine years ago. She is 25 and a powerhouse woman. When you get one of those days when you feel a little old and a lot down, go to the link above and watch the wheelchair team. I call Terha, “Smokin’ Wheels,” and she leaves us in her dust.
She proves again, that at any age, we can be powerhouse women.
1. One BOOB Girls Birds Poster:
Janet found one lonely poster (size of a small movie poster) by Jim Campbell of the BOOB Girls as birds. From Left to right: Esmeralda St Benedict, Maggie Patten, You (because there is always room for one more at Table 12, Mary Rose McGill, Robinson Leary, Marge Aaron, Hadley Joy Morris-Whitfield, Patty Whack. And below is Marge’s red cane and the evil Finigan Farquer peering around the tree and “lurking.”
First one to respond saying you want it gets it for $30.
2. Any Six Books for $60.
Take your pick, first six, last six, mix and match. A great way to start a collection or fill in the missing ones.
3. An idea for a very special gift. We will send a BOOB Girl book from you to a friend who needs a laugh. Do this now, from this blog. It will be a perfect gift.
Send check to Joy Brown at
8141 Farnam, #322, Omaha NE 68114