Let us age with: Grace Humor Courage and Confidence
Pass this on to other seasoned women who will enjoy it.
“Every time we have cinnamon rolls, I think of Calamity Doodles,” Mary Rose McGill said. The girls; Mary Rose, Hadley Joy Morris Whitfield, Robbie Leary and Marge Aaron were sitting on the patio of Meadow lakes Retirement Community.
The massive trees surrounding the large apartment complex had been victims of a terrific storm that had left more than 200,000 residents without power and streets impassable with fallen limbs. Now more sun than usual shone through to the table where the girls were enjoying morning coffee and delicious cinnamon rolls from the Farmhouse Café.
“You weren’t there, Marge,” Hadley said, “Patty Whack was a character, and we could not get her to like us until we beat the crap out of a man trying to kill her.”
“Now that interests me,” Marge replied, licking some of the delicious frosting off her fingers.
“It’s simple,” Robbie began. “We were being nice and taking a basket of cinnamon rolls to her. She lived on the patio level. As we got close to her sliding glass door..”
Hadley interrupted and took up the story. “We got close enough to her sliding glass door that we could see a man inside holding a gun on her. We couldn’t call 911, they wouldn’t get here in time, so we hurried to the door and Robbie slung it open as hard as she could.”
‘I started throwing cinnamon rolls at him.” Robbie said.
“I ran in, grabbed a lamp and smashed it into his head,” Hadley said.
“And I wound up and gave him my deadly groin kick,” Mary Rose bragged.
“Which dislocated his knee,” Robbie added.
“Then all at once, through the air came this little Ninja!” Robbie said with a grin. “Her boring grey bun of hair was on the floor, her long dress was off and she was flying through the air in a black body suit, downing this dude and not even panting.”
“She talked into that ugly watch she wore and in just seconds two men in suits with dark glasses rushed in, took the unconscious body out to a van and disappeared.”
Marge was grinning ear to ear.
“Patty looked around and said, ‘Well, there are some cinnamon rolls left we might as well have coffee.’” Mary Rose clapped her hands at the memory.
“That is one interesting story,” Marge said.
“And then we found out her name was really Calamity Doodles. Her father was a circus clown, and her mother had the circus Wild West Show,” Mary Rose explained.
“Those were they days of Robert, Rueben, Leonard and Clyde. The BOOB Boys,” Robbie said with a sad smile.
“BOOB Boys?” Marge said, looking at Hadley.
“Burned Out Old Bastards,” Hadley smiled back. “But that’s a story to save for wine time.”
Marge lifted her coffee cup in salute, and they all took healthy bites of cinnamon rolls beautifully laden with calories.
“I want to be with those women!”\
Everything Changes: Everything Ages (Buddhist Wisdom)
It is what it is; it becomes what you make of it.
Book II: Lies, Spies and Cinnamon Rolls, starts out with, “Patty Whack was no fun at all.” Then the girls discover she is NOT Patty Whack but Calamity Doodles, a spy come out of retirement to find a hidden microchip in a gangster’s mansion in West Omaha.
Mary Rose says, “Calamity Doodles is a beautiful name. Why Patty Whack?”
And Calamity answers that it’s an alias from her favorite Jr High joke:
A frog walks into a bank and goes up to a young teller wearing a name tag that reads, Patricia Whack. The frog smiles at her and says, “My name is Kermit Jagger and I need a loan.”
The young teller asks if he has an account here, and when he says he doesn’t, she looks at him and says, “Sir. We can’t give you a loan unless you have an account with us.”
The frog smiles, reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little gold guitar. He hands it to the teller and says, “Give this to your bank president, tell him my name is Kermit Jagger, and he’ll give me a loan.”
Patricia Whack takes the little gold guitar into the bank president’s office and hands it to him. “Sir,” she says, “There’s a frog out front. He says his name is Kermit Jagger. He wants a loan but doesn’t have an account with us. He said if I gave you this little gold guitar and told you he was Kermit Jagger, you’d give him a loan.”
She looks at the guitar and says, “It’s beautiful sir. But what is it?”
And the bank president says, “It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
It may help if you read that last line out loud. Then laugh.
Is that all there is?