July SALE! The BOOB Girls VII: Ten Little Puritans $10 (regularly $15)
In this blog: He’s Out of Jail!
The BOOB Girls Book VII: Ten Little Puritans
Remember this from book VII? Streaking the Dining Room
Notes from Joy
BOOB Girl Talks for your groups
The BOOB Girl Series
“He’s out of jail!” Mary Rose McGill burst into the dining room at Meadow Lakes Retirement Community, out of breath and looking excited.
“Cute,” Marge Aaron said, looking at Mary Rose’s knobby knees above her bright red cowgirl boots and beneath her baggy denim jeans shorts.
“Who’s out of jail? Hadley Joy Morris Whitfield asked, setting her coffee cup down on the top of table 12.
“Finnegan Farquhar,” Robinson Leary said, coming in the door close behind Mary Rose. Her computer, as always, was safely tucked under one arm. “I got an email notification this morning.”
Finnegan Farquhar had been an evil, clever man who had terrorized the girls during a Puritan Reunion at Salem’s Crossing, Nebraska, years ago.
“He went to prison for kidnapping,” Hadley said, looking at Mary Rose, who had been a victim. “But what else did he do?” She looked at Marge and made a face. “I’ve forgotten – long term memory loss.”
“Other than drive a scary black carriage pulled by a gigantic black horse,” Robbie answered, “he stole sperm from Butch Sleezer’s Fertility Clinic and sold it on the Black Market.”
“Butch’s Boars are Best,” Marge quoted, remembering the slogan for Butch Sleezer’s hog insemination lab.
“I was so scared!” Mary Rose said, remembering her capture.
“And Geoff tried to tell us you were gone,” Hadley said, remembering how the oversized mastiff had stood at the door then came to them over and over again, trying to convince them to look for his Mary Rose.
Just then, as if on cue, Geoffrey the Mastiff limped gently into the dining room, looked around, walked to Mary Rose and after circling once, lay down on her red boots.
“Hey Geoff,” Marge said. The big dog’s ears went up and he grinned.
“You were so clever, Mary Rose,” Robbie smiled. “You turned the kidnap victims into the world’s worst bell choir.”
“What else could I do?” Mary Rose asked. “We were in that little abandoned church, and they had all these bells.”
“What is Finnegan going to do now?” Marge asked.
“The email said he had agreed to go back to his hometown where he graduated from high school 64 years ago – the class of 1956.” Robie looked at her email on her computer. “Little place in South Central Iowa, a hamlet called ‘Creston.’”
Marge shrugged, Hadley nodded, Robbie closed her computer, Mary Rose patted Geoffrey’s head, Geoffrey farted. Contentment and good coffee reigned.
Remember this from The BOOB Girls VII: Ten Little Puritans
Zed Zonker was prancing – prancing- through the dining room. He wore black high-top sneakers and was waving a black top hat. Other than the sneakers, he was totally, absolutely, completely naked.
His cane kept a strong clump every time his left foot hit the floor. His dried-up private parts were bouncing in perfect time to his prancing.
Diners in the back of the dining room were standing, not wanting to miss anything.
Immediately behind Zed, and gaining ground, was Fuss N Feathers, the oversized rooster who ruled Meadow Lakes’ chicken yard. The big bird’s head was down, its neck outstretched, beak ready for a chicken death grip on Zed’s ankle.
Does Zed make it to the elevator?
Does the rooster get an ankle?
Most importantly, is there a standing ovation for Zed’s streaking act?
A Special for Book VII for Month VII
Each month, we will run a special, “Book of the Month,” opportunity.
If you have friends with birthdays or anniversaries in July
If your book VII is getting dog-eared and old and needs replacing.
If you want to make a special gift to a nursing home
If your library needs a BOOB Girl boost.
Or if someone is grieving and you need a “just because” gift
Here’s your chance.
We will ship to anyone you wish to gift with a note that it is from you. Free shipping.
It’s an inexpensive and great surprise gift that brings laughter and smiles.
A note from Joy
Ten Little Puritans is a take-off of Agatha Christie’s Then There Were None. It was fun to write, and I had the privilege of meeting Butch and Bonnie Sleezer. A friend was on a book tour through Iowa and found a sign along the road that read, “Butch Sleezer’s Fertility Clinic.” He sent a picture and I waned it for the book. I knew where to call. The library in this small Iowa town. The librarian said, “Oh, Bonnie Sleezer is one of my best friends.” I ended up speaking at the library, meeting a fantastic family and being proud to have a genuine hog insemination lab in my book.
Now that we are opening up some, I will be available for speaking. The BOOB Girls Talk will be shorter, 30-40 minutes, and will be available only within 150 miles of Omaha.
For information, email email@example.com or call at 403-639-2030,
This is a laugh out loud talk that includes how older women are beautiful and BOOB Girl Books will be waiting for you.
Parsons House, Omaha: July 13
Silver City, Iowa, Library July 16
Glenwood Library to be announced
Bellevue NE Library Oct 11
BOOB Girl BOOKS Here
Credit cards: website or 402-639-2939
Check to Joy Brown at
8141 farnam, #322, Omaha NE 68114