In this blog: Funny Stuff for 2022
Notes from Joy
BOOB Girl Talk for your groups
The BOOB Girl Series
“You will not believe this!” Robinson Leary was leaning in close to her computer screen. They were gathered in Alphonso Greatwood’s spacious apartment in Meadow Lakes Retirement Community. It was New Year’s Eve. The clock on the wall was ticking away the old year.
The big table was spread with champagne, a great variety of cheese and crackers, cut meats, breads and Mary Rose McGill’s bowl of black-eyed peas. The pears were her New Year’s tradition for good luck.
Hadley Joy Morris Whitfield, Marge Aaron, Mary Rose, Wiley Vondra and Alphonso were all holding relatively full glasses of champagne.
Robbie had been looking up the location of the New Year’s arrival somewhere in the world when it was nine PM in Omaha, Nebraska.
They had agreed that at their age, nine PM was the new midnight. They would celebrate that midnight along with Omaha’s sister city in Japan.
But Robbie had found something more interesting.
“Strange New Year’s traditions,” she announced. She looked at Wiley. “Eat 12 grapes, one for each month of the year. Brings good luck.”
Wiley raised his glass of champagne. “I’m drinking all twelve,” he said, “and I feel lucky already.”
Robbie read on. “Yeah, well, in Russia people write a wish on a piece of paper, burn it and add the ashes to their champagne.”
“Ick," Mary Rose said.
“I heard that making New Year’s resolutions goes back 4,000 years to Babylonia,” Marge added.
“I make a resolution I never break,” Alphonso bragged.
They looked at him.
“I resolve not to make any resolutions!” He drove his scooter closer to the table, grabbed a bottle of champagne from an ice bucket and started refilling each glass.
“I don’t make any, either." Wiley added. “At my age I’ve lied enough!”
“One more,” Robbie said, ignoring him, “The Greeks think onions bring abundance and fertility because they sprout even when not in the ground, so they eat raw onions.”
“Ick again,” Mary Rose said. She reached for a slice of cheese and a couple of crackers. She also grabbed a piece of cheese for Geoffrey, their oversized mastiff, who was waiting hopefully, flat on his stomach, at her feet.
Hadley looked at her watch. “Turn on the TV Alphonso. It’s almost nine o’clock.”
The TV, which covered most of one wall, went on. The announcer welcomed everyone to Japan. They raised their glasses and smiled at each other.
“Happy New Year!” they said together.
Geoffrey slipped under the table, rose on the other side, and took two slices of meat from the plate. It paid to be a big dog.
A Note From Joy
The Most Wonderful Christmas Jacket
We were in church. Our friend Dave, retired Air Force like Ted, was seated in the pew ahead of us. He had thrown his leather jacket over the back of the pew.
When we stood for a hymn, Ted reached out, pulled the jacket toward him just a little bit, then turned it to peek at the back.
When we sat down, he said, “Did you see that? It’s a Tuskegee Airmen jacket with the Red Tails emblem on the back.”
As we walked out of church, I turned to Ted. “That would be a good Christmas present for you.”
“Oh no! That’s a three-or four-hundred-dollar jacket,” he said, shaking his head.
As soon as we got home, I started talking to Google. Amazon: sold out, sold out, sold out or only sizes three times too big. Other vendors – the same two words. Sold out.
A few days later, I mentioned it to my daughter, Jenny, whose husband, Chris, is a pilot and a Tuskegee Airmen fan.
Two weeks later Ted and I were sitting on the couch watching TV and Jen sent me a text.
I found a jacket. EBay.”
She described it. Sent a picture. It was even better than the one Ted had seen.
Buy it! I texted back.
Jenny took over and planned a great surprise.
The jacket was delivered to her.
At Jenny’s instruction, Emmet and Judy, our good friends here at the Arboretum called Ted and asked if we wanted to go with them to a nice restaurant near Jenny and Chris’s house: Charlie’s on the Lake.
Since Jenny and Chris frequent Charlie’s, Ted was not surprised when we happened to run into them in the bar. They agreed to have dinner with us.
We sat at a table for six. Our drinks arrived. There was laughter and heavy-duty menu discussion.
Suddenly, a FedEx driver, carrying a big box, came through the door. He came straight to our table, stood tall and holding the box in front of him said, “Is there a Ted Brown at this table?”
Ted looked up, obviously surprised.
He meekly raised his hand.
The FedEx driver (a friend of Jen and Chris) had him sign for the delivery, wished us all a merry Christmas, and disappeared.
We watched as Ted opened the box.
We watched as he saw what it was.
We watched as he quickly wiped tears from both cheeks.
He slipped the jacket over his shoulders.
“This is one of the best Christmas memories in my life,” Jenny said.
We all agreed.
BOOB Girl Talk for your groups
Now that we are opening up some, I will be available for speaking. At least I HOPE we’ll be opening up some! The BOOB Girls Talk will be shorter, 30-40 minutes, and will be available only within 150 miles of Omaha.
For information, email email@example.com or call at 403-639-2030,
This is a laugh out loud talk that includes how older women are beautiful and BOOB Girl Books will be waiting for you.
Bellevue NE Library Oct 11
Lakeside Red Hats, Omaha NE, Dec 14
New Year’s offer: All twelve novels Plus a free audio book of BOOB I - $120.
Buy ahead for any occasion. Give them to 12 different friends or family members and let them pass them around.
If your books are getting dog-eared and old and need replacing.
If you have loaned them out and experience “holy theft,” now is the time to replace.
If you want to make a special gift to a nursing home.
If your library needs a BOOB Girl boost.
Or if someone is grieving and you need a “just because” gift.
Here’s your best chance of the year.
Our guarantee: if you don’t laugh out loud, you get your money back.