In this blog:
Gary The Vampire
A Note from Joy
BOOB Girls and The Senile Squad for your groups
New Offers in The BOOB Girl Series
There were only four of them on the big couch in front of Alphonso Greatwood’s massive TV. The big bowl of popcorn was nestled into Robinson Leary’s lap. On her left was Marge Aaron, retired homicide detective, on her right was Raven Five Horns, who had just grabbed a handful of popcorn, and next to Marge on the oversized couch was Alphonso himself, nursing a beer and his own bowl of popcorn.
“The End!” Marge turned to Robbie and grinned. “Who would have thought we could get these two wooshes to watch three vampire movies in a row!?”
Robbie looked at her and grinned. Robinson Leary, PhD, loved Halloween, witches and vampire movies. They had started mid-morning with Bram Stoker’s Dracula, had lunch (tomato sandwiches and bloody Marys) with the ancient classic, Nosferatu,they had finished with coffee, red cake and the delightful, Love at First Bite.
Robbie looked pensive. “I was thinking about Gary,” she said softly.
“Gary the Vampire,” Marge’s voice matched the tenderness in Robbie’s.
“We were assigned to get a casket for Percolator Rassmussen,” Marge went on.
“I remember,” Alphonso interrupted. “He was the one found face down, spread eagle in the dining room. His head was bashed in, his throat cut, a nylon rope around his neck, a bullet hole in his jacket and a knife in his back.”
“Mary Rose asked if we were sure he was dead,” Marge said with a grin.
“And Wiley said, ‘If he isn’t he’d better have damned good insurance,’” Robbie added.
The corners of Raven’s mouth went up in a small smile.
“I said it was either a very thorough suicide or a very complete murder,” Marge recalled. “I came, I saw, I solved, and I never left.”
She reached over and pecked Alphonso on the cheek. H pecked her back and patted her knee.
“And you helped us pick out the casket for Perky,” Robbie said. She spun the story.
“We went to Morgan Graves funeral home, close to here……..”
They looked at the caskets in the huge room. Only one was closed. “Let’s take a look,” Marge said. They went to the closed casket, tried the lid, then all four of them took hold.
“On three,” Robbie said, “One – two- three”
The lid flew open.
Lying inside, staring up at them, was a somewhat pudgy, pale young man.
“You can’t get a good day’s sleep around here!” he said. He was dressed in black jeans, black shoes and a black shirt. His thin black hair was combed straight back and slicked down.
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” Mary Rose said. Twice.
The man, who was shorter than Hadley and Robbie and Marge, and just a bit taller than Mary Rose, literally leapt out of the casket.
The girls moved together and held onto each other.
The man looked at them, grinned and in one swift movement, slammed the casket shut and jumped onto the top.
“I’m Gary the Vampire,” he announced with a wicked grin.
“There are no such things as vampires,” Robbie said, gaining strength. “I’ve researched them.”
“You researched movie vampires,” the man said.
“If you’re a vampire,” Marge said. “Let’s see your fangs.”
A look of sadness crossed the man’s face. “I don’t have fangs. Unfortunately, I have dentures.”
“Dentures!” the girls said together.
“Yeah, had ‘em before I was bitten and changed. Anyway, Janet Evanovich has a vampire in one of her books and he had no teeth. He had to gum people to death.”
“He thought he was a vampire.” Robbie said.
“I don’t just think it. I am one,” Gary said, defensively.
“No self-respecting vampire would be named, Gary,” Hadley said.
‘Listen, I know Bill and Henry! And remember Dark Shadows? That vampire was Barnabus for Pete’s sake.”
Robbie and Marge reminisced for so long that Alphonso dosed off and Raven began an Apache meditation.
At last, Robbie stood up. “I wonder if Gary is still working the night shift at Happy Hollow Country Club,” she said to Marge.
“He came to Mary Rose and Wiley’s wedding, remember?’ Marge said. “Stayed in the shadows and said he’d been promoted to pub manager.”
“Oh, right,” Robbie said.
Marge stood too. By this time both of the boys were snoring.
“Those were the day!” Marge said.
“They were indeed,” Robbie said. And the two friends walked out the door and into the hall arm and arm. Gentle good thoughts of a sweet vampire making a perfect ending to a movie marathon, Zoomer Schmeel forgotten for the moment. But Halloween was coming, and little did they know that they would meet Zoomer before all the brooms were parked after that magic night of All Hallows' Eve.
(To be continued)
A Note From Joy
A Vampire’s Pain (No author given)
As a youth I could not foresee What lay on the road ahead Eternal life, the quest for love My intentions oft misread Can a creature of the night A dark and bloodied, prince Find beauty, soul, and adoration A love I can evince Such is the fate of a lonely vampire To traipse the earth alone For love is fleeting, short and bitter My pain I do intone
Happy Halloween and a gentle good autumn to you all.
Chris and Joy will be at the Council Bluffs, Iowa, in November. For information, call the library at 712-323-7553. Marlys is our hostess.
Chris LeGrow is a retired Omaha cop. He is also an author. He wrote two books that are like siblings – friendly ones – to The BOOB Girls.
The Senile Squad
Da Broad Squad
Comedy mysteries.
Chris and I met, visited well together, and designed a presentation called,
OLD PEOPLE,
WRITING ABOUT OLD PEOPLE,
FOR OLD PEOPLE.
Chris and I perch on two bar stools and involve the audience in conversation.
It’s fun.
We talk about being old people writing about old people – our characters, what it’s like to be creative, how smart, clever and powerful old people are. His Ol’ Blues (retired cops) compliment my Girls (Old Broads) and we have a lot of healthy talk and a lot of laughter.
If you are in the Omaha area, and want us for your group, call me at 402-639-2939.
We’re doing this for fun and our fee is being able to make our books available to your group. We’ll also let you know when we appear at places where you can drop in. We drink coffee while we do this, so join us for a cup, a hug, and a laugh.
Saturday, November 5, join us at the Council Bluffs Library at 2pm for Old People Writing Books ABOUT Old People FOR Old People with Chris LeGrow, author of The Senile Squad and Da Broad Squad.
Three Specials:
1. One BOOB Girls Birds Poster:
Janet found one lonely poster (size of a small movie poster) by Jim Campbell of the BOOB Girls as birds. From Left to right: Esmeralda St Benedict, Maggie Patten, You (because there is always room for one more at Table 12, Mary Rose McGill, Robinson Leary, Marge Aaron, Hadley Joy Morris-Whitfield, Patty Whack. And below is Marge’s red cane and the evil Finigan Farquer peering around the tree and “lurking.”
First one to respond saying you want it gets it for $30.
2. Any Six Books for $60.
Take your pick, first six, last six, mix and match. A great way to start a collection or fill in the missing ones.
3. An idea for a very special gift. We will send a BOOB Girl book from you to a friend who needs a laugh. Do this now, from this blog. It will be a perfect gift.
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