In this blog:
Gary The Vampire
A Note from Joy
BOOB Girls and The Senile Squad for your groups
New Offers in The BOOB Girl Series
There were only four of them on the big couch in front of Alphonso Greatwood’s massive TV. The big bowl of popcorn was nestled into Robinson Leary’s lap. On her left was Marge Aaron, retired homicide detective, on her right was Raven Five Horns, who had just grabbed a handful of popcorn, and next to Marge on the oversized couch was Alphonso himself, nursing a beer and his own bowl of popcorn.
“The End!” Marge turned to Robbie and grinned. “Who would have thought we could get these two wooshes to watch three vampire movies in a row!?”
Robbie looked at her and grinned. Robinson Leary, PhD, loved Halloween, witches and vampire movies. They had started mid-morning with Bram Stoker’s Dracula, had lunch (tomato sandwiches and bloody Marys) with the ancient classic, Nosferatu,they had finished with coffee, red cake and the delightful, Love at First Bite.
Robbie looked pensive. “I was thinking about Gary,” she said softly.
“Gary the Vampire,” Marge’s voice matched the tenderness in Robbie’s.
“We were assigned to get a casket for Percolator Rassmussen,” Marge went on.
“I remember,” Alphonso interrupted. “He was the one found face down, spread eagle in the dining room. His head was bashed in, his throat cut, a nylon rope around his neck, a bullet hole in his jacket and a knife in his back.”
“Mary Rose asked if we were sure he was dead,” Marge said with a grin.
“And Wiley said, ‘If he isn’t he’d better have damned good insurance,’” Robbie added.
The corners of Raven’s mouth went up in a small smile.
“I said it was either a very thorough suicide or a very complete murder,” Marge recalled. “I came, I saw, I solved, and I never left.”
She reached over and pecked Alphonso on the cheek. H pecked her back and patted her knee.
“And you helped us pick out the casket for Perky,” Robbie said. She spun the story.
“We went to Morgan Graves funeral home, close to here……..”
They looked at the caskets in the huge room. Only one was closed. “Let’s take a look,” Marge said. They went to the closed casket, tried the lid, then all four of them took hold.
“On three,” Robbie said, “One – two- three”
The lid flew open.
Lying inside, staring up at them, was a somewhat pudgy, pale young man.
“You can’t get a good day’s sleep around here!” he said. He was dressed in black jeans, black shoes and a black shirt. His thin black hair was combed straight back and slicked down.
“Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” Mary Rose said. Twice.
The man, who was shorter than Hadley and Robbie and Marge, and just a bit taller than Mary Rose, literally leapt out of the casket.
The girls moved together and held onto each other.
The man looked at them, grinned and in one swift movement, slammed the casket shut and jumped onto the top.
“I’m Gary the Vampire,” he announced with a wicked grin.
“There are no such things as vampires,” Robbie said, gaining strength. “I’ve researched them.”
“You researched movie vampires,” the man said.
“If you’re a vampire,” Marge said. “Let’s see your fangs.”
A look of sadness crossed the man’s face. “I don’t have fangs. Unfortunately, I have dentures.”
“Dentures!” the girls said together.
“Yeah, had ‘em before I was bitten and changed. Anyway, Janet Evanovich has a vampire in one of her books and he had no teeth. He had to gum people to death.”
“He thought he was a vampire.” Robbie said.
“I don’t just think it. I am one,” Gary said, defensively.
“No self-respecting vampire would be named, Gary,” Hadley said.
‘Listen, I know Bill and Henry! And remember Dark Shadows? That vampire was Barnabus for Pete’s sake.”
Robbie and Marge reminisced for so long that Alphonso dosed off and Raven began an Apache meditation.
At last, Robbie stood up. “I wonder if Gary is still working the night shift at Happy Hollow Country Club,” she said to Marge.
“He came to Mary Rose and Wiley’s wedding, remember?’ Marge said. “Stayed in the shadows and said he’d been promoted to pub manager.”
“Oh, right,” Robbie said.
Marge stood too. By this time both of the boys were snoring.
“Those were the day!” Marge said.
“They were indeed,” Robbie said. And the two friends walked out the door and into the hall arm and arm. Gentle good thoughts of a sweet vampire making a perfect ending to a movie marathon, Zoomer Schmeel forgotten for the moment. But Halloween was coming, and little did they know that they would meet Zoomer before all the brooms were parked after that magic night of All Hallows' Eve.
(To be continued)