In this blog:
Hitting on Hadley
Ideas? A Reminder from your last Blog
Notes from Joy
BOOB Girl Talk for your groups
New Offers in The BOOB Girl Series
Geoffrey the Mastiff sniffed the Spring air as he limped out the dining room door onto the sunny patio. It was an elegant spring day. He didn’t know what kind of tree it was, but the big thing shading the patio was covered with funny looking things his girls called, “blooms.” They loved it, so he hobbled over, lifted a leg, balanced carefully, and peed on it in their honor. It was a happy time.
Mary Rose McGill and her husband, Wiley Vondra followed him out and took chairs at one of the big round tables that had been freshly washed and cleaned and graced the patio with hopes of warm, friendly days in Omaha.
Marge Aaron looked up from her coffee and said a loving, “Hey.”
“Hey back,” Mary Rose said. Wiley nodded at Marge and slid his chair into position between Alphonso Greatwood, owner of Meadow Lakes Retirement Community and Raven Five Horns, Robinson Leary’s significant other. They both looked at Wiley and grinned.
Robinson Leary, retired professor from Creighton University in Omaha, was leaning into her computer reading a list of new, best-selling mysteries to Marge. One of the pleasures in Marge’s life since she retired as a homicide detective was reading for pleasure – a privilege of those growing older. Marge was ready for a trip to The Bookworm, local bookstore, to pick up a good one.
“Where’s Hadley?” Mary Rose asked as Geoffrey flopped down and claimed his spot at Mary Rose’s feet. He farted, and Mary Rose grabbed a napkin and waved it in the air above him.
“Dunno,” Alphonso said, pouring Wiley and Mary Rose generous cups of hot coffee.
The day was beautiful. Soft white blossoms fell gently onto the patio from the huge blooming tree. Mary Rose picked one up, smelled it and smiled.
Ten minutes later, Robbie picked up her phone. “Text Hadley,” she said into it.
“What do you want to say to Hadley?” Siri asked in her friendly robo voice. “Where are you?” Robbie said into the phone.
“Right behind you,” Hadley said, coming through the dining room doors.
Robbie laughed. “You scared me!”
Hadley was grinning from ear to ear.
“What’s funny?” Marge asked. Ever the detective.
“I got hit on.” Hadley grinned some more.
They looked at her with interest. No one said anything.
Actually, no one was surprised. They joked that Hadley had more money than God and Warren Buffett combined, but more than that, she was still very attractive. Almost six feet tall, she hadn’t shrunk, her white hair fell gracefully around her ears and even her wrinkles looked inviting. She wore a loose, baggy white top and jeans and she made the outfit look like it came from Saks Fifth Avenue, right down to her denim sandals with “Sketchers” written on the sides.
Finally, Alphonso responded.
“Shall I beat the crap out of him?” he said, reaching for a coffee cup for Hadley.
“Who was it? Who was it?” Mary Rose said, scooting forward in her chair. She looked as if she were ready to clap her hands,
“The new resident, Neal O’Neal,” Hadley said.
“Tell us, tell us!” Mary Rose said, bouncing up and down - - just a little.
“Well,” Hadley said, sitting down in the one empty chair. “I was in the hall, talking to Kathy McDowell, and he came along. Kathy vamoosed right away, and Neal walked up in front of me and kind of blocked my path in a flirty kind of way.”
Mary Rose leaned forward. “He had a serious problem,” Hadley said.
“He is only about five feet five inches tall, and he was giving me all the one-liners you hear in bars - -‘what’s your apartment number? What’s your sign? Do you come here often? What’s your apartment number? He said that one three times.”
“And,” Hadley continued, “since he’s so short he was looking right square at my chest.”
“So?” Marge said with a grin.
“So, he has as glass eye.”
The looked at her.
“A glass eye?” Alphonso asked.
Hadley nodded. “So, the glass eye was stuck staring at my left boob while his other eye was frantically searching for my right one.”
They looked at her baggy blouse covering her flat chest.
“Any luck?” Wiley asked.
“Get a life!” Hadley replied.
Geoffrey farted again and Hadley sat down in her chair, picked up a napkin and waved it in the air under the table.
Read on good friends and send us some ideas.
Senile Squad Meets The BOOB Girls
Two people let me know another old person was writing books about old people for old people. One thought my ideas had been stolen. Not so! But oh. How I wish I had thought of this!
Chris LeGrow, an Omaha cop, has written two books: The Senile Squad and The Broad Squad. The story is of a retirement (really an extended care) facility for retired cops who do sneaky, rogue, undercover work to catch bad guys.
Chris, Ted and I had a long, fun coffee yesterday. He and I want to grab a couple of bar stools and talk about writing what I mentioned above – writing books aby old people about old people for old people.
We like each other, we fit well, we laugh a lot together. We will make good conversation sitting on those bar stools. Now - - We need your help.
What should we talk about?
A couple of thoughts:
1. Start out with our history – Chris is a cop almost ready to retire He’s seen a lot of death and mean stuff. I was a bereavement specialist and saw a lot of grief and mean stuff, too. How did we end up writing comedy mysteries?
2. Put the names of our characters in a basket, have five names drawn, and talk about those characters.
3. How we picked names for our characters.
4. Events in our lives went into our stories.
We need about five more ideas. That’s where you come in.
What else should be include?
What should we title this hopefully fun, entertaining, and informative conversation?
Shoot me off some ideas, BOOB Girls! If you were in the audience, what would you lie to hear?
1. One BOOB Girls Birds Poster:
Janet found one lonely poster (size of a small movie poster) by Jim Campbell of the The BOOB Girls as birds. From Left to right: Esmeralda St Benedict, Maggie Patten, You (because there is always room for one more at Table 12, Mary Rose McGill, Robinson Leary, Marge Aaron, Hadley Joy Morris-Whitfield, Patty Whack. And below is Marge’s red cane and the evil Finigan Farquer peering around the tree and “lurking.”
First one to respond saying you want it gets it for $30.
2. Any Six Books for $60.
Take your pick, first six, last six, mix and match. A great way to start a collection or fill in the missing ones.
3. An idea for a very special gift.
Read the A Note from Joy below then order book I for a friend with cancer. Type the words You are my Chemo-Sabe on a piece of paper and write a note to go with the book.
A Mother’s Day Gift – Th BOOB Girls. Click here!
A Note From Joy
Outside our apartment is a huge tree covered with brilliant white blooms. It’s a mother tree because there is a teenage tree right beside it blooming her little heart out as well. It’s impressive because we are on the third floor. It is so big it’s framed by TWO windows. “A picture that big would cost a thousand dollars,” I tell Ted.
My special tree tells me to see the beauty. In this time of hate and war and death and children terrified and animals starving alongside humans – in this time of sickness and tears and heartbreak and disbelief – in this time – we need to find one speck of beauty each day and hang onto it.
Beauty is a picture of my daughter and her husband’s sweet new dog – Georgie – a combination of a black lab and dachshund. (I know, the image isn’t beautiful but it makes you smile and be amazed that it happened!). I can’t wait to scratch Georgie’s ears.
In the meantime: I wish you beauty. Look for it every day, several times a day. And when you find it – for just that moment – cherish it with all your heart!
Now that things are opening up some, I will be available for speaking. At least I HOPE we’ll be opening up some! The BOOB Girls Talk will be shorter, 30-40 minutes, and will be available only within 150 miles of Omaha. And there is an entirely new, delightful talk:
The Gun Found at Marks.
Complete with gun!
Talk 1: The BOOB Girls – the Burned Out Old Broads at Table 12
Talk 2: The Gun Found at Marks (true story in book XI)
For information, email firstname.lastname@example.org or call at 402-639-2939.
These are laugh out loud talks that include how older women are beautiful and BOOB Girl Books will be waiting for you.
The BOOB Girl BOOKS Click Here
Credit cards: website or 402-639-2939
Check to Joy Brown at
8141 Farnam, #322, Omaha NE 68114