In this blog: ZAP!!
Special for Book X in Month 10: The BOOB Girls in Gospel Bird
Notes from Joy
BOOB Girl Talk for your groups
The BOOB Girl Series
Bales of hay, cornstalks, pumpkins and mums in brilliant yellows, browns and reds decorated every entrance to Meadow Lakes Retirement Community. It was October and October was the favorite month of all four Burned Out Old Broads. Wiley Vondra, Alphonso Greatwood and Raven could not care less.
They also did not care that they were not in costume for the Harvest Moon Dinner Chef Scott had organized with their four ladies. The girls had decided that every opportunity they had to wear costumes would come this year in this month.
“Okay,” Wiley Vondra said with a wicked grin, “you’re going as four old ladies.”
They did not laugh.
Even though the men refused to dress up, the girls didn’t mind. They were in full glory as four identical witches; black pointed hats, green face paint, long black dresses and of course, the ultimate accessory – a broom.
Marge Aaron had mastered the art of carrying both her broom and her red cane – not an easy feat let me tell you – and look scary at the same time. For Marge, looking scary was easier.
“It was a delicious meal,” Mary Rose said to Robbie as the four left the dinning room. Just as had happened the day the four met nine years ago, they were the last ones to leave. The servers were clearing the tables as they finished their last cups of coffee.
Some time earlier, he boys had followed Alphonso’s scooter down the long hall to his apartment, where they were all to gather for a late-night glass of good Pinot Noir.
“Red wine sounds so good this time of year,” Hadley Joy Morris Whitfield said as they walked through the big dining room doors.
Then they stopped short.
The lights in the hallway, on 24/7 suddenly went out. It was pitch dark.
“Whoa,” Marge Aaron said, holding out her arm as if to stop the others.
“What happened?” Mary Rose McGill asked with just a touch of anxiety in her voice.
“Don’t have a clue,” Robbie Leary answered.
They stood perfectly still as their eyes slowly adjusted to the dark. The only light coming into the dark came from a light over the window at the end of the hall.
“They need to wash that window,” Mary Rose said as the light made a dim effort of illuminate the hall.
“Listen!” Marge said.
The sound of soft footsteps behind them came closer, then stopped.
Marge leaned her cane and broom against the wall and pulled out her smart phone. She scrolled up and turned on her flashlight.
She turned and in one quick motion, shone the light behind them.
All four of them saw a figure dressed in black dart around the corner in the crossroads outside the dining room.
Marge didn’t hesitate. She started doing a power limp after the disappearing specter.
The other three didn’t move.
“Is this safe?” Mary Rose squeaked.
Hadley looked at Robbie.
Robbie looked at Marge limping off ahead of them. “We’ll find out!” And she started after the limping Marge.
“Oh Shit!” Mary Rose said.
“This is not the time for posture talk, Mary Rose!” Hadley scolded.
“I didn’t mean ‘shoulders back, head high, I’s straight ahead and tummy tucked in,” Mary Rose said back, louder than she intended. “I was thinking how this is exactly ow I felt when we were trapped in that mine in Alaska when Boris Badenov tried to kill us. I meant, ‘SHIT.’”
Boris Badenov had indeed tried to kill them in a dark, damp mine in Gospel Bird, Alaska. They had been saved by an over-sized mastiff named, Geoffrey.
And it was Geoffrey who appeared unannounced from the crossroads at the far end of the hall.
“Geoffrey!” Mary Rose said.
The dark figure was nowhere to b seen, but the big mastiff’s ears were straight up, and his nose was flat against the carpet.
“No!” Robbie yelled.
The figure had appeared like magic, dressed in black with a black ski mask and holding a huge, unwieldly broomstick. The broom was raised high above his head and the overly stiff, hard as cement base was aimed at Geoffrey’s head.
Marge Aaron went into action.
She dropped her broom and shining the light from her phone ahead of her, lifted the red cane with one hand and pushed the taser button.
“Ow!” came a voice from the figure in black.
Geoffrey took three steps back and began to growl.
The girls hurried forward just as Raven, Alphonso and Wiley came around the corner behind Geoffrey.
Marge did another power limp to get to the figure who was holding his hip where the taser had struck.
“Ow?” Marge said, “that was a taser. You should be writhing on the floor in severe pain.”
They all looked up as Zed Zonker pulled off his ski mask.
“Ow!” he said again.
“Low batteries,” Wiley said to Raven.
“You were going to hurt my dog!” Mary Rose said.
“I was aiming in front of him,” Zed replied. His face spread into a wicked grin. “I did scare you bitchy witches though,” He laughed his evil laugh and hobbled off down the hall before anyone could do anything.
As he passed the main light switch, he flipped it on.
The four girls looked at each other and then at the boys.
“We wondered where you were,” Alphonso began.
“The wine is open and breathing,” Wiley added.
“So are we,” the girls said together, taking a deep breath.
Each month, we will run a special, “Book of the Month,” opportunity.
If you have friends with birthdays or anniversaries in September or October.
If your book IX is getting dog-eared and old and needs replacing.
If you want to make a special gift to a nursing home
If your library needs a BOOB Girl boost.
Or if someone is grieving and you need a “just because” gift
Here’s your chance.
We will ship to anyone you wish to gift with a note that it is from you.
It’s an inexpensive and great surprise gift that brings laughter and smiles.
We will put it in a beautiful BOOB Girl gift bag as a special gift.
The Gospel Bird
Marge Aaron receives a letter from her cousin in Alaska, Buckshot Betsy Bushwhacker.
Betsy is accused of murdering her long-time lover, Pickaxe Pete.
She shot him through the door, which is better, Hadley claims, than being shot through the balls.
But there are hidden jewels and more murder, and the tension grows as the girls are trapped in the mines of Gospel Bird, Alaska.
Can Betsy beat the rap with a surprise attorney and a judge whose name is actually Slik Sheetz?
Our guarantee: if you don’t laugh out loud, you get your money back.
A note from Joy
In black churches across America, it was the custom after Sunday services for one of the families in the congregation to invite the preacher’s family home for Sunday dinner. The menu was always the same. Along with ham and a roast the table creaked heavily with good food and a heavy platter of friend chicken, known as “Gospel Bird,” because it was always served to the preacher and always on a Sunday.
In our story, Gospel Bird is the name of Buckshot Betsy’s hometown, and the book comes from the trip Ted and I took when we went full-time RVing four years ago. The girls get lost, just as we did. There really is a Slik Sheetz. There really are mines in Alaska and caves where the Romanoff’s were said to have hidden the royal jewels.
This is a fun read, and you will relate to how the ladies of the town decorate Betsy’s jail cell. And if you end up in jail with Buckshot Betsy Bushwhacker…I’ll post bail.
The girls and I wish you safety, health and good times.
Now that we are opening up some, I will be available for speaking. At least I HOPE we’ll be opening up some! The BOOB Girls Talk will be shorter, 30-40 minutes, and will be available only within 150 miles of Omaha.
For information, email firstname.lastname@example.org or call at 403-639-2030,
This is a laugh out loud talk that includes how older women are beautiful and BOOB Girl Books will be waiting for you.
Bellevue NE Library Oct 11
Lakeside Red Hats, Omaha NE, Dec 14
Credit cards: website or 402-639-2939
Check to Joy Brown at 8141 farnam, #322, Omaha NE 68114